So... How it All Began.

As can be assumed, I'm a Time Lord. Born on Gallifrey in the Constellation of Kasterborous, and lightly drizzled with a red wine vinaigrette....Wait... Forget that last bit.

Regardless...

As with all Time Lords, at the age of eight, I would be taken before the Untempered Schism to gaze directly into the time vortex, which sounded like it would be fun.

The night before I was to be initiated, I was in my room at my family's home in the shadows of Mount Perdition, playing with some bit of archaic machinery brought back from late 20th century earth by a mate of my father. (I believe it's called a "digital watch", and it supposedly tells the time, but all I managed to make it do was to alter history and get a B-movie actor elected President of the United States for most of the earth decade of the 1980s.)

In a blinding roar and deafening smell of mackerel, I was startled by the appearance of an Earth marsupial (a kangaroo, I later found out) wearing a fez. He told me his name was Skippy.

Skippy told me that when I looked into the Untempered Schism, I would see something terrifying. Something that would, under normal circumstances, be a fixed point in time, but Skippy had come to me to warn me about it. Because of the exact moment I was to be looking into the Schism, I COULD alter it.

Of course, being a good Time Tot, I followed the Primary Laws of Rassilon, the 23rd of which states "Marsupials in Middle Eastern head-wear are not to be trusted."

The following morning, I was taken before the Schism and stared directly into the whole of time and space.

At first, all I could see were the pretty colours, but slowly, an image began to form.

Terrifying...

Hideous...

Truly the most disturbing vision ANY Time Lord could behold...

Galactic Emperor Justin Bieber the First!

I had to stop this from ever occurring, so I did what no Time Lord had ever done before...

I dove into the Untempered Schism.


Oddly, the time vortex tastes like bananas.


To Be Continued...