In my now delusional and bemused TARDIS, sapphire, Lestor and myself sat in the library trying to decide on the first step towards our stated goal of preventing the Rise of Bieber.
We knew it was a fixed point, so it would require a heavy rewrite of the Whole Kind of General Mish-Mash, and it was a confusing thing to determine where to begin.
And then, Skippy showed up.
"There are two things you need to remember about Bieber: He claims to be a musician and he is some kind of scientifically engineered super-mutant. It would be best to attack this from both those angles."
I should, at this point, tell you a bit about Skippy and his propensity for human speech.
As is well known, any available Gallifreyan Time Travel Capsule is capable of translating any known language into a language understandable by the TTC's associated Time Lord and all of their companions. There is, however, a flaw to this translation ability: the language must be known.
Kangaroos on Earth have an odd evolutionary history. While it's true that they DID in fact, originate on Earth, they evolved the ability to traverse physical space by way of hopping onto a passing huon, causing them to instantly enter said huon, be transmitted, as if by radio waves to ANOTHER huon outside of Mutter's Spiral, and there, become highly educated in university, which is run by the narwhals (you REALLY don't want to know about them). The problem is, the language they learn is impossibly old, and therefore, TTCs can't translate them.
Skippy, however, has circumvented this problem by becoming fluent in a human language. Sadly, that human language is English, which gives him a rather heavy obsession with cricket, even though he had no idea how to play.
"In the earth year 1912, a young bloke from Austria invented a new form of music..." Skippy continued.
"MC Dolfo. Yeah. Makes me head hurt," sapphire interrupted.
"Yes, well Dolfo's invention of free-style rap is a fixed point in time. It leads others with no musical ability nor taste to believe they can call themselves musicians merely because they can speak in rhythm. That would be an excellent point to start on the musical end of things. Madman, you and sapphire should prevent that. Remember, this is the first fixed point we're unraveling, so you need to be subtle about things."
"What about me?" Lestor was a bit eager to get started.
"In 1997, the United States launched the first extra-terrestrial human family into space for the purposes of interplanetary colonization. The family arrived, but they died shortly after due to the effects of the alien world on their biology. This is what caused the beginning of Earth's Corporate Mutants for Peace and Love, which, in turn, brought about Bieber. You need to prevent the launch of the Jupiter 2, or, barring that, prevent them from arriving at their intended destination. You'll need a companion for this. You should seek one out."
"I'll need a new TARDIS, as well. Mine's not meant for this type of thing. Not enough blue in it."
And so, Lestor went off in search of a companion and a bluer TARDIS.
I set the coordinates for Austria 1911 and sapphire and I undertook our mission.
Upon arriving and materializing outside the home of the future MC Dolfo, I hatched a plan to unravel history subtly. Grabbing a razor and shear, I climbed up the wall via corner bricks while sapphire kept the TARDIS' engines primed. I snuck in through the window, where I found a youngish bloke with long hair and a goatee sound asleep.
The best plan, I thought, was to remove this bloke's street credibility as a serious rapper.
So, in his sleep, I gave him the worst haircut and silliest moustache ever to exist, before jumping out the window to my waiting TARDIS.
On my way down, I heard a woman shouting from another room in the house: "Adolf! What's that noise?"
Back in the TARDIS, Skippy informed me that, while I HAD prevented MC Dolfo from ever inventing free-style rap, his anger over my alterations into his appearance lead him into politics.
Sorry bout that.
We were all wondering how Lestor was fairing on his mission when, in my office, we heard the sound of a TARDIS materializing. On our arrival, we were greeted by a pyramid with purple trim and some kind of black bird emblazoned on it. Clearly, lacking the blue Lestor was looking for, we knew it wasn't him, so we waited.
After a moment, the door slid open to reveal the console of another TARDIS. And out stepped a young Time Lady in black, with pale skin. A bit translucent-looking, but this is all a description in retrospect (or, given trans-temporal perspective, I've not seen her yet). Really, the only thing any of us noticed at first was that, somehow, this Time Lady had wings.
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