Odd dreams of a fictional lemur monarch brought on by a bedtime story told by Sabrae not withstanding, there was, in fact, no incursion of daleks on Bruce at that time.
After Gothess' explanation of her mission, and an... interesting attempt at a two-being cricket match between Skippy and Julio (which somehow involved such odd side-activities as juggling juke boxes, shaving halibut, and a mock wedding between Tristan and a small bowl of guacamole), we discussed how to best pool our resources to accomplish our disparate goals.
During this discussion, we were a touch startled by the somewhat deafening impact of a meteorite in the distance, followed by a plume of dust and the strange sound of something inflating. In retrospect, this should have been investigated.
It is at this time I should explain something of my personal philosophy regarding strategy.
The sentient mind, even that of a Time Lord, behaves in certain, predictable patterns. Even my experience being merged with the vortex didn't change that fact of my own thought process. While most sentient beings couldn't quite follow my version of logic, it could still be predicted. This fact made stategizing, normally, a waste of time on the level of watching an episode of the American television programme "Elementary" and trying to suss out whose brilliant plan it was to have an Asian-American female play Doctor Watson.
However, if a variable is added into the thought process, strategy and thought becomes less predicatble, and therefore, more effective.
For this reason, our discussions with Gothess included copious consumption of Pan Galactic Gargle Blasters in an effort to loosen up the grey cells.
It should, therefore, stand to reason that we were not overly interested in investigating the meteor impact, nor the inflating sound.
We were, however, far more interested in the sudden (and, in reality, inevitable) attack of an 80 foot inflatable sex doll wearing a french maid outfit.
The giant inflate-a-date descended on us with a sound that can best be describe as an ominous squeeking of latex, knocking the larked TARDISes about and causing all sorts of havok.
Even in our somewhat non-existent state of mind, we understood the threat. Unfortunately, the only weapons any of us possessed were in our currently scattered TTCs and the extent of our ability to defend ourselves seemed to consist of a cricket bat and Tristan's newly wedded avacado-based dip/bride. Both proved completely ineffective.
I should note at this time that while the majority of us were engaged in a furious polyvinyl and food product based battle, Sabrae merely stood aside and watched, snickering.
After an hour of warfare, Sabrae calmly walked up to our sex-shop-purchased antagonist, pulled a pin from her pocket, and stabbed it.
The expression on its face changed fro one of open-mouthed hostility to open-mouthed surprise as the high-pitched whine of air escaping from the tiny pinhole surrounded us and we watched it slowly crumple to the ground.
Tuesday, September 25, 2012
Sunday, September 2, 2012
How Does This Clogger Thing Work? Can You Hear Me?
HELLO, PEOPLES!
The Crazy Man is having problems with his brain remembering parts on what is happened next, so I am doing of the clogging.
I am KJ, and I am the King of the Time Killing Things. See my crown? It's all shininess!
So after the floating tin person asked for a banana, Nothing important happened right away, because I went for sleepy, so nothing could happen, since I am the King.
But when the sleepy time was done, there was much of the loud noises outside, so I went to see what would interrupt my beauty sleep.
Outside, there were many of the metal giant thingies with the plungers and bumpy parts and the shouty, and they were doing blasty things
The Gothess peoples ran to the yellow thing and came back with a a big boomy stick and she called it a Sonic Discoteque and started pointing it all around.
But the bumpy people didn't like it because it made them stop dancing.
None of the Time Killing peoples were doing anything interesting, and the bumpy ones were loudness, but they were kind of cute, so I let them go.
But one of them made a "pew" type sound and made my crown go off my head part, and that was not good.
And then they touched my feet.
Do not touch my feet!
And so, I went to them and I made them hurt with my Kingly fighting!
And this is how I saved the Time Killing peoples.
So I am going to go now.
But you peoples need to worship me, because I am adorable.
The Crazy Man is having problems with his brain remembering parts on what is happened next, so I am doing of the clogging.
I am KJ, and I am the King of the Time Killing Things. See my crown? It's all shininess!
So after the floating tin person asked for a banana, Nothing important happened right away, because I went for sleepy, so nothing could happen, since I am the King.
But when the sleepy time was done, there was much of the loud noises outside, so I went to see what would interrupt my beauty sleep.
Outside, there were many of the metal giant thingies with the plungers and bumpy parts and the shouty, and they were doing blasty things
The Gothess peoples ran to the yellow thing and came back with a a big boomy stick and she called it a Sonic Discoteque and started pointing it all around.
But the bumpy people didn't like it because it made them stop dancing.
None of the Time Killing peoples were doing anything interesting, and the bumpy ones were loudness, but they were kind of cute, so I let them go.
But one of them made a "pew" type sound and made my crown go off my head part, and that was not good.
And then they touched my feet.
Do not touch my feet!
And so, I went to them and I made them hurt with my Kingly fighting!
And this is how I saved the Time Killing peoples.
So I am going to go now.
But you peoples need to worship me, because I am adorable.
Saturday, September 1, 2012
With a Little Help From My Friends
"Uhhhhh.... Have we met?" Lestor finally stammer out after a prolonged bout of confused madness.
"Of COURSE we have, Angel," The strange blonde woman said through an amused smile, "We've known each other for YEARS!"
Lestor stared another moment, somewhat ignoring the pummeling of his arm which was being perpetrated by Kahndee, before speaking again.
"I... would think I'd remember you."
There was a sudden look of realization on the woman's face.
"You... haven't been to Punta 3 yet, have you?" She asked, slight disappointment tinting her voice.
"I've never even heard of it."
"Right. Okay. At some point, you're going to travel there and you're going to meet me...uhhh... again. So, anyway...Wow, this is a little awkward... I'm Gothess, but you can call me Gothess. I know the rest of you, as well, so that will save time. So, I suppose introductions on our part would be in order, but let me check something, first. JULIO! YOU IN THERE?" The woman shouted toward Lestor's TTC.
With that, the penguin in the panama hat waddled out of Shirley, the coolant hoses Lestor had pinched from the Jupiter 2 tucked under his left flipper.
"Ja! I'm here! Gotten der hoses, too," The penguin said excitedly in a perfect mock-German accent.
"Good. Put those in the ship and I'll try to explain us to these fine people."
With that, the penguin waddled off into the yellow submarine and Gothess began her story.
"Right. So, you're all wondering who I am. Like I said, I'm Gothess. I'm a Clockwork from Saga City in the Obverse. I was, actually, one of the Great Aunties.... Ummm... Right, you don't know the Obverse and its politics yet... A member of the ruling council. So, there we were, preserving the balance of the multiverse, maintaining order and harmony and generally being pretentous and dull. One day, one of the other Clockworks stole The Bus and took off. Iris Wildthyme, as she was calling herself, decided to leg it because she was bored. Can't say I blame her there.
"So the Great Aunties held a vote and decided to try and stop her and bring her back to the Obverse. I found that a stupid, parlimentary bit of silliness and stole the other prototype Bus to come here. Mainly because Iris had, when she stole The Bus, taken with it the greatest treasure in the Obverse: The Mighty Xylaphone of Wendy... a nearly holy artifact."
"So you wanted to get it back for your people?" sapphire inquired.
"Oh, hells, no! If anyone was going to pawn it for cash, it was going to be ME!
"So, after I sold the Xylaphone, I decided to stay here. I bought me TARDIS, spent a bit of time in Liverpool in the 1960s with four lovely lads who were playing music. I introduced them to Saga City Flame Herb.
"Funny thing about Saga City Flame Herb: It's very relaxing to Clockworks. In Terran's, though, it produces wild hallucinations and mild psychic abilities. Both powerful enough to let them break my chameleon circuit. Now it's stuck as this bloody yellow submarine.
"Anyway, after traveling with them and doing a bit of smuggling to make ends meet, I see this Penguin on a planet named Wendell. Lovely little bugger. Cute hat. Strange tendency to jump accents. I digress.
"So this penguin, Julio, tells me I need to prevent a fixed point in time and only I can do it. I need to unravel established history to stop the canonization of Interstellar Pope Hasslehoff the First.
"So, we've been travelling. Met some interesting people, Turned Mussolini from discovering beat poetry. Got sued by Iris over the Xylaphone thing. Met you folks. Had some adventures. Spent some time with Lestor. Had some sweattier adventures. Got seperated from Julio and tracked him here. Any questions?'
"Yes!" Bob chimed in.
"What's that, then?"
"Can I have a banana?"
"Of COURSE we have, Angel," The strange blonde woman said through an amused smile, "We've known each other for YEARS!"
Lestor stared another moment, somewhat ignoring the pummeling of his arm which was being perpetrated by Kahndee, before speaking again.
"I... would think I'd remember you."
There was a sudden look of realization on the woman's face.
"You... haven't been to Punta 3 yet, have you?" She asked, slight disappointment tinting her voice.
"I've never even heard of it."
"Right. Okay. At some point, you're going to travel there and you're going to meet me...uhhh... again. So, anyway...Wow, this is a little awkward... I'm Gothess, but you can call me Gothess. I know the rest of you, as well, so that will save time. So, I suppose introductions on our part would be in order, but let me check something, first. JULIO! YOU IN THERE?" The woman shouted toward Lestor's TTC.
With that, the penguin in the panama hat waddled out of Shirley, the coolant hoses Lestor had pinched from the Jupiter 2 tucked under his left flipper.
"Ja! I'm here! Gotten der hoses, too," The penguin said excitedly in a perfect mock-German accent.
"Good. Put those in the ship and I'll try to explain us to these fine people."
With that, the penguin waddled off into the yellow submarine and Gothess began her story.
"Right. So, you're all wondering who I am. Like I said, I'm Gothess. I'm a Clockwork from Saga City in the Obverse. I was, actually, one of the Great Aunties.... Ummm... Right, you don't know the Obverse and its politics yet... A member of the ruling council. So, there we were, preserving the balance of the multiverse, maintaining order and harmony and generally being pretentous and dull. One day, one of the other Clockworks stole The Bus and took off. Iris Wildthyme, as she was calling herself, decided to leg it because she was bored. Can't say I blame her there.
"So the Great Aunties held a vote and decided to try and stop her and bring her back to the Obverse. I found that a stupid, parlimentary bit of silliness and stole the other prototype Bus to come here. Mainly because Iris had, when she stole The Bus, taken with it the greatest treasure in the Obverse: The Mighty Xylaphone of Wendy... a nearly holy artifact."
"So you wanted to get it back for your people?" sapphire inquired.
"Oh, hells, no! If anyone was going to pawn it for cash, it was going to be ME!
"So, after I sold the Xylaphone, I decided to stay here. I bought me TARDIS, spent a bit of time in Liverpool in the 1960s with four lovely lads who were playing music. I introduced them to Saga City Flame Herb.
"Funny thing about Saga City Flame Herb: It's very relaxing to Clockworks. In Terran's, though, it produces wild hallucinations and mild psychic abilities. Both powerful enough to let them break my chameleon circuit. Now it's stuck as this bloody yellow submarine.
"Anyway, after traveling with them and doing a bit of smuggling to make ends meet, I see this Penguin on a planet named Wendell. Lovely little bugger. Cute hat. Strange tendency to jump accents. I digress.
"So this penguin, Julio, tells me I need to prevent a fixed point in time and only I can do it. I need to unravel established history to stop the canonization of Interstellar Pope Hasslehoff the First.
"So, we've been travelling. Met some interesting people, Turned Mussolini from discovering beat poetry. Got sued by Iris over the Xylaphone thing. Met you folks. Had some adventures. Spent some time with Lestor. Had some sweattier adventures. Got seperated from Julio and tracked him here. Any questions?'
"Yes!" Bob chimed in.
"What's that, then?"
"Can I have a banana?"
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