The seemingly endless wave of Tennoobs flowing from the TITIS quickly filled the Trial Room as panic struck the assembly. Gallifreyans of every house rushed the doors and fled. The Doctor, to his credit, remained quite calm and simply remarked "not again" before triggering a Vortex Manipulator on his wrist and vanishing.
Castellan Solis and the Chancellery Guards stormed the room, stasers drawn, firing into the fray, Sabrae, Im sure wishing she still had her wings, merely beat on the throngs of Tennoobs as we all tried to locate someplace safe to regroup.
It is well known that the inside of a Gallifreayn Time Travel Capsule is dimensionally transcendental, and therefore, much larger on the inside than the outside.
What is lesser known is that the pockets in Gallifreyan clothing are, also.
It is for this reason that it should come as no suprise to anyone that I pulled from the pocket of my waistcoat, a twenty foot long sledge hammer, with which I began smashing the Tennoobs in our path.
And, accidentally, Irwin.
Okay, maybe not so much accidentally.
The battle with he Tennoobs waged on for days. Many Time Lords and Ladies wound up undergoing multiple regenerations and large swaths of Zenobia Station became littered with flat, burned, beaten and generally pulverized Tennoobs before it was finally over.
After some time, I noticed people returning to the Trial Room.
Interesting thing about sentient life forms: no matter how advanced, they love their routines. It doesn't matter if the entirety of the Whole Kind of General Mish-Mash was on fire, sentients, even Time Lords, would still wander through their daily lives, discussing the weather or what programme had been on the sub-etha last evening.
And so, we returned for judgment.
Upon entering the Trial Room, Lord President Sen motioned for us to rise. The expression on his face was tired and angered. We could tell where this was going.
"Members of the so-called 'Killing Time Alliance', evidence has been presented by both sides of this matter and I have had to weigh the evidence presented to the Matrix.
"It is clear that you have, even by your own admission, meddled in the affairs, travels and lives of the Gallifreyan Time Lord known as the Doctor. The expressed reason of 'Well it was a a bit of a giggle, wasn't it?' does not hold as a legal excuse.
"That said, in light of your actions and assistance during the recent invasion of Zenobia Station, which I can only describe as the opening attack in The First Mediocre Time War, I am of the mind to show leniency.
"You will be permitted to continue your travels. HOWEVER..." It was with this that he turned to Rowan.
"You, Rowan, are New Gallifrey's most talented psy-reader of TARDISes, as well as having a background in dealing with abnormal and deviant minds of other sentient life forms. You will join them in their travels and shadow them, because, basically...There's something fundamentally WRONG with these people! Case is adjourned!"
And so it came to pass that we were free, or at least inexpensive, and we were now joined by a rather...enthusiatic eccentric TARDIS reader and technical specialist.
Saturday, April 14, 2012
Lawsuit of a Timelord - Part 5
That evening, we all regrouped in the meeting room provided for the defense and began our strategies for the following day. Ideas were tossed this way and that, several of them colliding with each other and shattering all over the floor.
Perhaps the best (albeit, personally most disturbing to me) idea was to have Sabrae sneak over to The Doctor's quarters and... convince him to drop the action. Sabrae's visible nausea at the idea of associating with the Doctor's current incarnation put an end to that idea rather quickly.
The Voyager suggested some interesting legal advice ranging from begging the mercy of the Lord President to covertly filling the Trial Room with halibut during the night to buy more time to set up our defense.
While each of these ideas had merit, we were eventually struck with the same conclusion unanimously:
We were doomed to spend the rest of our days on New Gallifrey.
It should be noted at this time that New Gallifrey is, by all definitions, a picturesque and lovely world and its government quite balanced and uncorrupted. It should also be noted, however, that we in the Killing Time Alliance find such a world to be boring beyond words, especially due to its lacking of any kind of nude beaches or coffee.
The next morning, we began our presentation of the defense.
It was, of course, impossible for us to rebut any of the Doctor's case. We had, in fact, meddled quite extensively in his lives, and would likely continue to do so. The only legitimate defense we could bring to this matter was... well...it was FUN.
Instead, we chose to defend ourselves by showing the important contributions we had made (and would make) to the furtherance of Time Lord society and the betterment of life in the Whole Kind of General Mish-Mash.
First up was Lestor.
His defense was presented as a matter of commerce and technological progress. It turns out that over the course of his lifetimes, he will have purchase and/or commissioned over 16 billion different Time Travel Capsules, leading to the technological advancement of all types, including the forthcoming type 674, the first TARDIS that is not only fully sentient, capable of inter-dimensional travel, and containing all the standard features of a TARDIS, but it also contained the first ever blonde detection unit.
Tristan, as it turns out, will, eventually become Lord President of New Gallifrey, himself, but will, upon winning the election, celebrate by drinking enough that not only will he, himself, forget he was elected, but so will the population New Gallifrey, and this will require Sen to step back into the position, as he is the only one who was sober enough at the time to remember that there was, in fact, a position in New Gallifreyan government called Lord President.
Sabrae's defense was unusual.
As seemed to be often the case, her timeline and mind could not be read properly. Instead, the only things read were the things she wanted read.
At some point in her relative future, her TTC will materialize on a heretofore unknown and uncharted planet named Knikkalbak.
Knikkalbak will be a kind of sister planet to Vloom Major Gamma. Like the latter world, Knikkalbak is dominated by one, massive beach, which is used as a singular, planetary nude beach. Unlike Vloom Major Gamma, however, Knikkalbak has a singularly unique geological oddity which cause its oceans, lakes, streams...indeed ALL naturally occurring bodies of what should be water to be composed of nothing but dark roast coffee.
Upon the playback of this time frame, Sabrae could be heard to happily sigh the word "Heaven", repeatedly.
It was at this time I was meant to take the stand. This, however, was never to happen.
Throughout the Trial Room, all activity was interrupted by a sudden sound...
"Oh! Oh! OH GOD! RIGHT THERE!!!"
Suddenly, the familiar sight of Lestor's so-called TITIS began materializing in the middle of the Trial Room.
The doors flung open and Irwin came sprinting out, screaming "MR. MAGIC SPACE MAN!!! RUN!!!!"...
... followed by a flood of MILLIONS of identical beings all saying "I am... the Doctor...Can you help me...get a TARDIS?"
Perhaps the best (albeit, personally most disturbing to me) idea was to have Sabrae sneak over to The Doctor's quarters and... convince him to drop the action. Sabrae's visible nausea at the idea of associating with the Doctor's current incarnation put an end to that idea rather quickly.
The Voyager suggested some interesting legal advice ranging from begging the mercy of the Lord President to covertly filling the Trial Room with halibut during the night to buy more time to set up our defense.
While each of these ideas had merit, we were eventually struck with the same conclusion unanimously:
We were doomed to spend the rest of our days on New Gallifrey.
It should be noted at this time that New Gallifrey is, by all definitions, a picturesque and lovely world and its government quite balanced and uncorrupted. It should also be noted, however, that we in the Killing Time Alliance find such a world to be boring beyond words, especially due to its lacking of any kind of nude beaches or coffee.
The next morning, we began our presentation of the defense.
It was, of course, impossible for us to rebut any of the Doctor's case. We had, in fact, meddled quite extensively in his lives, and would likely continue to do so. The only legitimate defense we could bring to this matter was... well...it was FUN.
Instead, we chose to defend ourselves by showing the important contributions we had made (and would make) to the furtherance of Time Lord society and the betterment of life in the Whole Kind of General Mish-Mash.
First up was Lestor.
His defense was presented as a matter of commerce and technological progress. It turns out that over the course of his lifetimes, he will have purchase and/or commissioned over 16 billion different Time Travel Capsules, leading to the technological advancement of all types, including the forthcoming type 674, the first TARDIS that is not only fully sentient, capable of inter-dimensional travel, and containing all the standard features of a TARDIS, but it also contained the first ever blonde detection unit.
Tristan, as it turns out, will, eventually become Lord President of New Gallifrey, himself, but will, upon winning the election, celebrate by drinking enough that not only will he, himself, forget he was elected, but so will the population New Gallifrey, and this will require Sen to step back into the position, as he is the only one who was sober enough at the time to remember that there was, in fact, a position in New Gallifreyan government called Lord President.
Sabrae's defense was unusual.
As seemed to be often the case, her timeline and mind could not be read properly. Instead, the only things read were the things she wanted read.
At some point in her relative future, her TTC will materialize on a heretofore unknown and uncharted planet named Knikkalbak.
Knikkalbak will be a kind of sister planet to Vloom Major Gamma. Like the latter world, Knikkalbak is dominated by one, massive beach, which is used as a singular, planetary nude beach. Unlike Vloom Major Gamma, however, Knikkalbak has a singularly unique geological oddity which cause its oceans, lakes, streams...indeed ALL naturally occurring bodies of what should be water to be composed of nothing but dark roast coffee.
Upon the playback of this time frame, Sabrae could be heard to happily sigh the word "Heaven", repeatedly.
It was at this time I was meant to take the stand. This, however, was never to happen.
Throughout the Trial Room, all activity was interrupted by a sudden sound...
"Oh! Oh! OH GOD! RIGHT THERE!!!"
Suddenly, the familiar sight of Lestor's so-called TITIS began materializing in the middle of the Trial Room.
The doors flung open and Irwin came sprinting out, screaming "MR. MAGIC SPACE MAN!!! RUN!!!!"...
... followed by a flood of MILLIONS of identical beings all saying "I am... the Doctor...Can you help me...get a TARDIS?"
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