Sontaran Love

Shortly after the discovery of Shithead in my TARDIS, Skippy called us all out to a common meeting area on Bruce.

This meeting area was designed almost like a Terran holiday camp, with recreation areas for tennis, bocce, and things of that nature, along with, unsurprisingly, a replicator stocked with recipes for nearly every known libation in the Whole Kind of General Mish-Mash.

"Oi," Skippy began, "I've got a mission for The Madman and sapphire. You two need to go to Traken in the time of Tremas."

"Okay, What do you need us to do?" I asked.

"There, in the grove, you will find a culture of red-grey fungus. It's native only to the Traken Grove. I need you to take a sample of this fungus."

"Why? What significance does it have to stopping Beiber?" sapphire asked.

"Nothing, really. It is merely the most potent hallucinogen in the Whole Kind of General Mish-Mash. I think it would be splendid to have some here."

And so, sapphire and I set off. The story of what transpired on that mission will be told at some point in the relative future (or possibly past).

It is for that reason, my details of what transpired next on Bruce are a bit spotty.

Shortly after we dematerialized, a ship of Sontaran origin landed on Bruce. The hatchway opened and out came a single, short, stocky Sontaran in full (albeit mismatched) armour.

"I am Ensign Stoo of the 2342nd Sontaran Battle Fleet. By right of conquest, I claim this world in the name of Sontar!"

"I'm not familiar with that battle fleet," Lestor said to the small, belligerent creature.

"Well," replied Stoo, noticeably inflated, "To be fair, I AM the 2342nd Sontaran Battle Fleet."

Sontarans are well known for their belief in war above all things and pride themselves on their military strategies and tactics. They have a strict devotion to military discipline and heirarchy.

What is less well known is their penchant for sending some lesser skilled and completely undesirable (and often completely THICK) Sontarans off on their own in missions using pre-programmed flight computers sending out into uninhabited space to drift aimlessly, never meeting another sentient life form, thereby not sullying the Sontaran's reputation for warfare, nor actually getting in the way in a real battle. This, of course, explains Stoo.

"Right," Tristan said, in tremendous amusment of the situation, "Tell you what: we're not armed, so we can't have an actual fight here. But I do propose a challenge. If you want to claim this planet for the glory of Sontar, then you need to beat... Let's say Rowan here... in a contest of stamina, speed and marksmanship. We call it 'Tennis'."

"Accepted."

I must, at this time, explain that Rowan, while very good at being a psy-reader of Time Travel Capsules, is not, to be fair, the most skilled tennis player in any history.

Even still, being the most sober of those remaining on Bruce, she was the best choice.

The game, I'm told, was quite exciting and rather close, though, the lack of skill of both parties did lead to the accidental creation of a vast ocean forming a mere 14 meters from the meeting area (the actual sequence of events leading to that ocean's creation is so odd and random, even I  cannot fully grasp them, but I'm told it included an unexpected alteration of reality, changing both players, temporarily, into 8 foot bologna sandwiches.

In the end, however, Rowan defeated the miniscule Sontaran.

In a show of sportsmanship, she attempted to leap over the net.

That is where everything went a bit wrong.

Rowan's foot caught on the net, causing her to crash headlong into Stoo, sending him toppling backwards, smashing  his exposed probic vent on the court with such force, his head quite literally EXPLODED. This, of course killed Stoo.

It also, unfortunately, killed Rowan, sending her into a regeneration cycle.

At this exact moment, my own TTC, and sapphire's newly comondeered one (a circumstance which shall be explained in the future) both materialized.

The force of the explosion sent my TTC careening into Nereid, which cause an instant, albeit, short-lived, psy-link between the two capsules.

As sapphire and I exited to find out what the Belgium was happening, Everyone was scrambling, trying to get Rowan into Nereid for her regeneration, as it's always more helpful to regenrate within the boundries of one's TARDIS.

Understand, I cannot in any way prove my theor on what happened next.

HOWEVER

It appears that the psy-link between the two TARDISes allowed my capsule to convince Nereid to have a more active role in Rowan's regeneration.

Nereid dematerialized and promptly rematerialized at the edge of the newly formed ocean. After several minutes, her doors openned and thousands of gallons of water came rushing out of the Time Travel Capsule, spilling the newly regenerated Rowan into the ocean with it.

For the most part, Rowan maintained her previous incarnation's appearance.

However, she didn't have legs.

In their place, she had a long, piscean tail, complete with fins, flippers and flukes, making her a Mer-Time Lady.

And I could swear, I heard my TARDIS laughing.