Saturday, April 14, 2012

Lawsuit of a Timelord - Part 5

That evening, we all regrouped in the meeting room provided for the defense and began our strategies for the following day. Ideas were tossed this way and that, several of them colliding with each other and shattering all over the floor.

Perhaps the best (albeit, personally most disturbing to me) idea was to have Sabrae sneak over to The Doctor's quarters and... convince him to drop the action. Sabrae's visible nausea at the idea of associating with the Doctor's current incarnation put an end to that idea rather quickly.

The Voyager suggested some interesting legal advice ranging from begging the mercy of the Lord President to covertly filling the Trial Room with halibut during the night to buy more time to set up our defense.

While each of these ideas had merit, we were eventually struck with the same conclusion unanimously:

We were doomed to spend the rest of our days on New Gallifrey.

It should be noted at this time that New Gallifrey is, by all definitions, a picturesque and lovely world and its government quite balanced and uncorrupted. It should also be noted, however, that we in the Killing Time Alliance find such a world to be boring beyond words, especially due to its lacking of any kind of nude beaches or coffee.

The next morning, we began our presentation of the defense.

It was, of course, impossible for us to rebut any of the Doctor's case. We had, in fact, meddled quite extensively in his lives, and would likely continue to do so. The only legitimate defense we could bring to this matter was... well...it was FUN.

Instead, we chose to defend ourselves by showing the important contributions we had made (and would make) to the furtherance of Time Lord society and the betterment of life in the Whole Kind of General Mish-Mash.

First up was Lestor.

His defense was presented as a matter of commerce and technological progress. It turns out that over the course of his lifetimes, he will have purchase and/or commissioned over 16 billion different Time Travel Capsules, leading to the technological advancement of all types, including the forthcoming type 674, the first TARDIS that is not only fully sentient, capable of inter-dimensional travel, and containing all the standard features of a TARDIS, but it also contained the first ever blonde detection unit.

Tristan, as it turns out, will, eventually become Lord President of New Gallifrey, himself, but will, upon winning the election, celebrate by drinking enough that not only will he, himself, forget he was elected, but so will the population New Gallifrey, and this will require Sen to step back into the position, as he is the only one who was sober enough at the time to remember that there was, in fact, a position in New Gallifreyan government called Lord President.

Sabrae's defense was unusual.

As seemed to be often the case, her timeline and mind could not be read properly. Instead, the only things read were the things she wanted read.

At some point in her relative future, her TTC will materialize on a heretofore unknown and uncharted planet named Knikkalbak.

Knikkalbak will be a kind of sister planet to Vloom Major Gamma. Like the latter world, Knikkalbak is dominated by one, massive beach, which is used as a singular, planetary nude beach. Unlike Vloom Major Gamma, however, Knikkalbak has a singularly unique geological oddity which cause its oceans, lakes, streams...indeed ALL naturally occurring bodies of what should be water to be composed of nothing but dark roast coffee.

Upon the playback of this time frame, Sabrae could be heard to happily sigh the word "Heaven", repeatedly.

It was at this time I was meant to take the stand. This, however, was never to happen.

Throughout the Trial Room, all activity was interrupted by a sudden sound...

"Oh! Oh! OH GOD! RIGHT THERE!!!"

Suddenly, the familiar sight of Lestor's so-called TITIS began materializing in the middle of the Trial Room.

The doors flung open and Irwin came sprinting out, screaming "MR. MAGIC SPACE MAN!!! RUN!!!!"...


... followed by a flood of MILLIONS of identical beings all saying "I am... the Doctor...Can you help me...get a TARDIS?"

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